Two years ago to this day, my life changed. My whole world seemed to stop. It was at 12:35pm, during lunch at school with my best friend at the time. I won’t get into specifics, seeing as the whole world (or the few people actually following my posts) don’t really need to know my history. But let’s just say, it was about as life changing as you can get for a seventeen year old.
Today I met not even twenty-four hours old Alice Mae. I walked into room 215 at Parkwest and saw little Alice curled up on her mother Erin’s chest. And they both looked absolutely perfect.
I would’ve thought today would’ve been a day of grieving for me. A day of regret. A day to sit and think about the choice I made in response to what happened exactly two years ago. In fact, I expected to spend the day feeling all of these things. I expected to barely make it through work, to come home and sit in my room just wanting to be alone, talking to no one. Not even to God. But today turned out completely different.
I woke up to the news that Alice Mae had been brought into the world during the night and for some reason, it just brought me to tears. Maybe it was partially just that I am and always have been an overly emotional person. But I think it was also the significance of today’s date. I no longer cared about my personal regrets from my past, I just wanted to praise God for bringing another precious life into this world.
I constantly find myself asking questions. Where will I be in the fall? Will my history repeat itself? What’s going to happen in the next two weeks? It’s the anniversary of two years ago going to be as awful as i’m making it out to be? I don’t trust God enough to take control of my life and do what he wants with it. I do know he has a plan for me and that it will be amazing, but sometimes I catch myself not trusting as much as I should. Like today for example. But the news of one little newborn girl changed all of that. It’s incredible how God can use things to show us how we need to just trust him. Maybe history will repeat itself; maybe things will change; maybe they won’t. Whatever happens i’ll be brave through it, and i’ll trust God.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.”
Proverbs 3:5
“This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him.”
Psalm 91:2
